Exploring Sensuality to Deepen Human Connection - Michaell Magrutsche

What if your understanding of sensuality could transcend beyond the physical and open up deeper, more authentic connections? Join me, Avik, as we embark on a thought-provoking exploration of sensuality, creativity, and the fabric of human connections with the esteemed multimedia artist and creativity awareness educator, Michael Magruder. Together, we challenge societal norms that often box us into categories, urging a shift toward personal, one-on-one experiences that foster genuine intimacy. Michael sheds light on how pornography and societal expectations distort sexual reality, and emphasizes the power of appreciating individual differences to build relationships grounded in truth and mutual understanding.

Throughout this enlightening discussion, we touch on the dual nature of human experiences, highlighting the pivotal role of free will in our intimate encounters. We tackle the systemic pressures that shape our sexual roles and encourage a focus on human-centric, consensual experiences that prioritize communication and mutual desires. As we peel back layers to reveal our true selves, Michael provides transformative insights into embracing authentic pleasure and reclaiming personal power. Dive into this conversation and uncover the deeper truths within intimate experiences, celebrating human connection in its most genuine form. We look forward to continuing this journey in future episodes, elevating our understanding of human potential and intimacy.

Chapters

• 0:00 Exploring Sensuality, Creativity, and Human Connections
• 11:23 Unlearning System-Driven Intimacy and Sex
• 25:23 Embracing Human Centric Intimacy

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Sensuality is an enriching experience that transcends mere physical touch. It invites us to explore openness and vulnerability, creating deeper connections with others. By engaging in mindful touch, we enhance our awareness of each other's desires and boundaries. This practice cultivates intimacy, as it encourages honest communication and emotional safety. Each caress becomes a dialogue between bodies, transcending words and allowing us to connect on a profound level. Embracing the art of sensuality fosters trust, reigniting passion and curiosity in relationships. It's a journey of discovery, inviting us to celebrate the beauty of human connection through the transformative power of touch.

Speaker 2: 0:59

Hello and welcome, dear listeners, to Pleasure Principles, the podcast where we explore the depths of human connections, creativity and self-awareness, breaking through the societal norms to embrace the truths that really matter. I'm your host, avik, and today we have a very special guest, michael Magruder. So welcome to the show, michael.

Speaker 3: 1:23

Hi, good to see you, avik. Yeah, beautiful. It's late in the hour, it's lunch in my place, so and a lot of traffic and stuff are here all of a sudden starting when we start talking.

Speaker 2: 1:39

Lovely, lovely. So, michael, like before we start, I'll quickly introduce you to all of our listeners. Love me. So, michael, like before we start, I'll quickly introduce you to all of our listeners. Dear listeners, michael is a multimedia artist, creativity awareness educator and author of the five books. So michael's unique perspective comes from his neurodiverse, experience-based upbringing and his ability to see hidden contexts that help resolve paradoxes.

Speaker 2: 2:06

So today we will be diving into Michael's insights on whether we are living system relevant or it's a human centric lives, exploring how creativity, dialogue and adaptability are our true superpowers. So we'll also have some challenging, some conversational thinking and discover how we can raise our human potential beyond the limitations of man-made systems. So today we'll be talking about unmasking the intimacy and how porn, performance, pressure and gender roles shape our sexual reality. So that's a very great topic, I would say, and we'll quickly start with the discussions on it. So I'll first come to Michael. Michael, you talk about living a human-centric life versus a system-relevant life, so if you can briefly explain what that means and how they differ, okay so human centricity is what we are born by nature.

Speaker 3: 3:14

We are part of nature and how we function according to nature because we are part of it. So nature, not to us. Nature made us, or God or or the divine, whatever made us a one of one. That means every, and scientifically we have proven that everybody, every human, is different, uh, scientifically different dna, uh, different thing. And when you look at your family, not everybody likes the same person, not everybody is the same, and especially in families, you see they're all different, everybody's different, they like different things.

Speaker 3: 3:50

So to try to generalize us, because obviously for this system it's easier to say, oh, you're an Indian boy and I'm a European white boy, who cares? It's irrelevant, it's just to make it easier for the systems to navigate us. But but we got technology so intensely good now, so we, we can actually focus and update the systems from generalization. You know, you are male from india, I'm a thing from europe to say I'm 101 and you are 101 and we are, secondarily, are males, okay, but then our sexual orientation can be gay, transsexual, whatever, whatever we choose, and even if we are both hetero, we would have different attraction of what we want. You know, we all have experienced that there's women they are very masculine and there's men that are very feminine. So it really doesn't matter what you are, what gender you are, it's that you can dance with your partner, that you can enjoy dancing with your partner. You know, and that's a very important thing, look at this, uh, when, when you like one, one of one, and you can dance with him, uh, you have a life experience. The other person has a life experience, and then you actually like each other so much, or your dance is so good, so you want to become intimate, right, and the intimacy you kiss and you see this and even that happens. You know that from your, your science.

Speaker 3: 5:29

Uh thing, when you kiss somebody all of a sudden not, that doesn't fit, because we are so sensible in our one-on-oneness that some people they can you don't even want to kiss them, and when they kiss them, you kiss them. Oh my god, this is amazing. We, I didn't know that was there, there was so much electricity there and so, and so this this is like always a surprise, and the beauty of seeing somebody not as a woman, as a, as this and this and this, but the seeing as a one-on-one is and saying what can I learn from that experience with that person? Right, and I think that is fascinating because it's one-on-one, it's not just a woman, it's not just Indian or European or American or whatever. No, it doesn't, it's one-on-one person.

Speaker 3: 6:16

And I want to see what makes that one-on-one person, because the more you are interested in that one-on-oneness, you learn about your own one-on-oneness. You learn about your own one-on-oneness because you say I thought she was just a woman, but she's better than man in computers, you know, and it's just a wake-up, it's a constant wake-up when you look at it from a human centric, that she's a one-on-one and not that she's system generalized. You know a niche in sex, race or gender, you know.

Speaker 2: 6:50

Exactly so, also, like you say, that porn distorts our sexual reality. So what do you think are the biggest misconceptions that it creates?

Speaker 3: 7:04

I always I was saying literally since I was 20 years old when I first saw my porn. I saw porn and I thought that is nothing compared to what I experienced with sexual intimacy. That is completely different. And then I asked the woman. I said do you like this and do you like that? And they said no. So it's a porn is like.

Speaker 3: 7:30

You know, in front of movies you always see a disclaimer this is a story. It has nothing to do with reality. It's based on reality but it is not and it's all fantasy. And I think that should be before every porn, because when kids grow up and today they have so much access to everything, you and I didn't have that access, but now kids have access to everything and when they think I said first of all, when you have access to so much you think how can I ever keep up with this? Even when you see Instagram or regular any social media, how can I? And then you slowly, after years, you find out oh, everybody's pretending they're in front of the Taj Mahal right now and they're making a photo like their own Taj Mahal right, but then really they live in a hut somewhere. So everybody's pretending they are king, they're queen, they're the best, they're a celebrity, but they're really not, you know. And so we distort our reality.

Speaker 3: 8:32

And when you see porn early and you get conditioned by this, you think that is reality, you want to grow, yeah Right. And when you think that is reality, you will never live your partner because you're working on the performance versus on the dance, on the experience, on the journey of you two you know of, of you and your friend and or partner. So I think I think that should be you know and important, should really say that, because the stuff that you, that you see, there is a performance, it's a circus performance, it's, it's a juggling act, it's like, you know, chinese acrobats. That's not, that's not. That has nothing to do with sex, that has to do with performing and so much is forming.

Speaker 3: 9:27

Sadly, in systems, everything is focused on the the, the form, and not on the function. So what car you drive is more important than what you actually do for humanity, what you contribute to it. Uh, you know, it's just how you look. It's more important how you are, who you are, you know, and and that's that. That's a big um distortion where we think, you know, I need to have this, I need to know I need to have this, I need to wear silk, I need to wear this, I need to do this, I need to have that job and have to need that title. But what about being just you, 100% Because nature made you that way? It didn't make you a computer scientist. Obviously, if you're good in your computer and it's as your passion, yeah, then become a computer scientist. But it doesn't say that you and I have to become computer scientists, you know.

Speaker 2: 10:20

Understood. So also, like from the listener's perspective, I'm saying like they might think that porn is harmless entertainment. But how do you differentiate between reality and systematic fantasy?

Speaker 3: 10:36

If you're aware, see, we talked about this, I think, the last time.

Speaker 2: 10:40

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 10:41

If you are aware that you have cancer, right, you've got to do something about cancer. But if you're not aware, you know that the porn isn't real, then it's hurting you, because if I have cancer and I'm eating something that nurtures the cancer, like a lot of sugar and stuff, then I'm actually doing the opposite. You know, if I'm aware, there's nothing wrong with anything humans create, even porn, okay. But but if we are unaware what point that is a performance, then it's harmful because, if, because, if we get conditioned that that's real and that's what the partner wants, then it's a thing and everything it's like.

Speaker 3: 11:23

If, if, uh, if, devil worshipping, you know, is, is, is, is sold as a religion and you don't know what devil, what, what is the devil, what is that? You don't know what devil, what, what is a devil, what is that? You don't know what that is. Then you, you, you worship the devil and you think, oh, I need to live longer, I need to be better, and I, if I, if I worship the devil, then it's good. So once you're conscious, there's nothing that hurts you. Another devil know nothing, you, you're just aware of it. And then you are cautious and you say, hey, I can deal with this or I cannot deal of it. And then you are cautious and you say, hey, I can deal with this or I cannot deal with it and stay away. You know, but but actually there's really no, we can't say, oh, that's right and wrong, good and bad.

Speaker 3: 12:03

Everything in life is right or wrong, good and bad everything. So, for example I always say the example a paring knife. There's little knives where you can make a beautiful fruit, you make art pieces out of fruit and and vegetables, right, true, it's the favorite instrument of uh, of torturers. Everything has both sides, yin and yang. Everything has good and bad. And guess who decides what's good or bad? We, not the tool, not AI. We decide what we have, what we do, and we have the choice and this is the free will to use it for good or bad.

Speaker 3: 12:43

I believe that porn has a good side I haven't thought about it yet, but I think it has a good side and there's aesthetics in porn and there's wisdom in seeing that and observing that. It's just how you see it. Obviously, if you're addicted and every five minutes you have to watch porn, that's probably not living life, that's that's, that's consuming, born. But it's the same thing if you watch uh, you know movies and you every five minutes. You got to live life, not just being on a screen, got it, yeah.

Speaker 2: 13:22

so, uh, like some listeners might wonder that, is it really a problem if both partners are enjoying themselves, even if they are playing into these rules? So what's your take? Are playing into these rules?

Speaker 3: 13:37

So what's your take? I mean, look, if I, you know, the sadomasochism comes here, the S&M comes in very much. So there is people that love to be the person that is tortured and there's people that love to torture If they two fit, if the synergistic fit these two, and actually, it's funny, the most extreme people that love to torture if they do fit, if the synergistic fit these two. And actually it's funny, the most extreme people that I met with this, um, they were very, very rule oriented. They had their safe words, they did that very thing. They it's almost like for me there would be too many rules, you know, do enjoy that. But they enjoyed it with the rules because they know when I go in this territory I better be careful.

Speaker 3: 14:26

It's like when you, when you go into a swamp with crocodiles, you've got to be cautious to do certain things. You're not just walking into a lake with crocodiles, you know you're sharks. So everything can be handled when you know the dangers and when you know the other person's danger. So when you become the number one safety and your partner, especially when you communicate, you can do anything. I think you can do anything if you both agree upon. Look, if I want to sail and you don't want to sail, it's not going to happen. But if you want to sail and I want to sail, we both go sailing.

Speaker 2: 15:10

That's true, yeah, definitely.

Speaker 3: 15:12

Yeah, it's very simple. People make it complicated through systems. You know system, rule and regulation. Life is very simple if you communicate and tell each other a thing and everybody has free will and say yes or no.

Speaker 2: 15:26

Understood. So, like you emphasize on human-centric experiences or what the system-relevant behavior is like, as we already discussed. So how does this philosophy apply to our sexual interactions and the expectations?

Speaker 3: 15:43

It deadens your emotions when you're system relevant. Okay, in system relevance, we know from our research and from all the research, men want to always satisfy a woman and women want to keep the sexual attraction, the being that the person doesn't get limp or that he's excited. You know that's what woman want. They want is one to keep the excited. But the woman doesn't have to particularly have an orgasm. That's not, that's not the thing. But the demands is funny.

Speaker 3: 16:15

The men that have easier orgasms want to have the woman orgasm and they want to be the master, they want to be the achiever. It's a goal and if you do that according to systems, that is the case, right, and you take Viagra and everything just to. You don't take Viagra for you. You take Viagra for her Because Vi, you don't take Viagra for you. You take Viagra for her Because Viagra doesn't make your orgasm better. You take Viagra for your woman so that your woman is impressed by your stamina, so that you can have her have an orgasm.

Speaker 3: 17:04

And actually men are the most sensitive because the woman has to just make a weird noise or an emotional disdain or something and the man gets angry and limp and everything because there's so much systemic pressure on doing your systemic, sexual, systemic role of being the macho man, being the, the strong masculine, the viral masculine and the woman, you know, and I think, I think, I think that's why so much um, um, suppression of women came about, because women don't have to, uh, ejaculate, you know, they don't have to ejaculate, they don't have to. That's why women could be selling their bodies, because they can do it multiple times and the men don't even know they did it multiple times. I think that was so intimidating that the virility of men is so much less than women can do it all day long if they're caring and if they want to. You know, uh, they can, yeah, and men can't. So so for men it's a little flicker and for women they can do it, and especially if they're not really excited and whatever they just, you know, I mean, and I think that just the physical effect of that is very intimidating to men, because the sensibility is they need to satisfy the woman, yeah, and, and I think, I think that's totally uh, you know, um, you, you can touch a woman.

Speaker 3: 18:34

See, sex is not just the intercourse, it's the dance that you have when, when a man looks at a woman and and is, uh, embraced by her body, you know, and it doesn't matter. The body doesn't have to be brigitte, pardon, or, or kardashian, or anybody, it has to be. He just just looks at a body and the woman feels that, that he adores whatever her has, whatever she has, the long hair, the rest, your body, your, whatever her smile. When women get that, that sex, let's turn on.

Speaker 3: 19:11

Yeah, and it's the same with, with, with, with women, you know, when they say oh, my God, I think I love you, I just wow, I love your beard, I love you, this I love, I mean, and also that's why communication is very good. So when I see a girl smile, I said I love that smile. I say I love that smile Because that's intimacy, you know, that you express. And if you don't express it and today we are so insecure, we don't express anything. You know, I rather don't say anything to other as she wants to marry me. You know, this is the systemic, this is the system relevant, you know true, that's definitely true.

Speaker 2: 19:49

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3: 19:50

So um also like this is really good abhi this is really deep.

Speaker 2: 19:56

yeah, abhi, this is really deep. Yeah, exactly. So also, how do you unlearn these system-driven narratives around intimacy and sex? How do you unlearn it?

Speaker 3: 20:10

I think it's very easy. Once you see it, once you say I'm going to touch the oven and it's hot, then you just don't do it, you know you don't touch the oven anymore. So once you see it, they say yeah, it's a one-on-one, and you know you can gauge out if somebody is very system relevant. But do you really want to have an intimacy with somebody system relevant that has expectation of you? You're going to lose. That has expectation of you? You're going to lose Because if the person that you want to date has system-relevant expectation of you, you're a man, you need to take care of me, you're with that. Da-da-da, all these things. The sex comes last. So it's not the embrace of the intimacy with you, it's just all the what you bring into the table. It's like, almost like we're playing a game. And how much money do you have to invest in this game and how much money do I have? And that is segregating the intimacy instead of just saying, hey, avik is one of one of eight billion people. Wow, let me meet this person, let me find who he is, let me learn more about him. Now, if that is reciprocal, I suppose, say like that then you have until you know each other, because it could be that one person doesn't want to be no more and closes up. But until you do that, you will have a ball dancing with that person Understood and that goes automatic, I think, when you look at.

Speaker 3: 21:48

That's why I say the update of systems is one thing, especially now with AI and stuff, if we look at them not in general, but we look at them as one-on-one. If we do that, that will be the biggest change in history, that actually everything is more effective. So the moment you experience life and every human is the most valuable. No technology can be as valuable as meeting another human and then exchange their life experience in mind, like what we're doing right now. Right, we exchange our life experiences and that makes our perspective on life better and stronger. And that goes automatic Because once you're aware, it's automatic. Once you're aware, let's say, you have cancer, you have this. Once you're aware that animals can die, you're not going to put kittens in a washing machine. You know what I mean? It's automatic, it's just. I hope that answers it. If you have any questions, just ask me. If there's anything I can help. Sure, sure, definitely.

Speaker 2: 22:56

Just ask me if there's anything I'm clear on, Sure, sure, Definitely, definitely, and also, like here, like it's contractually. I mean, couldn't some argue that systems like porn create a shared sexual language or maybe reference point for the couples? So is there any positive to that?

Speaker 3: 23:19

Yeah, miguel, I mean, if you really like to be in this sadomasochism, you know, in a torture, in the being tortured, of course I mean it's easier to find, it's easier to find, but you still have because you know, uh, every human is different. So that doesn't mean because you were in sadomasochism, snm, that you are automatically fit with that person. You can, you can gauge that that's. You know. You say, okay, I'm gonna go to this bar because they're always these kind of people there, uh, or I'm gonna go on this website or whatever.

Speaker 3: 23:56

But it doesn't. It doesn't result that you will have a good time or a real intimacy, because everybody is, is one-on-one and this is not like, oh, people that love, uh, heavy people, that that doesn't mean they're all the same, or people that like skinny people, or people that like women with big breasts, or men with, you know, tall men. That doesn't mean automatically you will have a good time. I mean there's tall women that have a beautiful relationship with tiny guys. You know, it's just that's what's so beautiful about us, because we are all one-on-one and we can find synergistic. If we find ourselves synergistically, we can have a ball of a life. Lovely Understood.

Speaker 2: 24:46

And so, for the listeners who feel like overwhelmed by societal expectations in the bedroom, what's one mindset shift that you would recommend to begin reclaiming their authentic sexual experiences?

Speaker 3: 25:01

Always remind yourself you are one-on-one, one of eight billion, and the other person is too, so there is no right way to engage with another human. I think there's no right way, true I? If you ask me what is the right way to to engage with you, I can just use my five senses, talk you and it fits or it doesn't fit. That's all we can do. This is the beauty of the one-on-oneness, of getting the one-on-oneness, the human centricity, and bringing our power back, reclaiming our power, because we can't judge anybody. I can judge you, I mean, I can judge you, but it's not the truth. You are one-on-one. There's no right or wrong, you know understood.

Speaker 3: 25:45

Yeah, lovely great yeah, always beautiful, yeah, always beautiful, talking to you lovely lovely.

Speaker 2: 25:54

So uh. Thank you, michael, for an eye-opening conversation today, and it's clear that our intimate experiences are shaped by much more than what we might think, and definitely your insights help us peel back the layers to find something more genuine. Definitely so for the listeners. If today's conversation has resonated with you, be sure to check out michael's walk on creativity and the awareness and stay tuned for more episodes of pleasure principles where we continue to explore the depths of connection and the intimacy. So uh, until next time. This is your host, avik, signing off and reminding you to question the systems, embrace your human, centric self and always seek true pleasure from within.