Healing Attraction Patterns for Personal Growth - Giovanna Silvestre

Unlock the mysteries of attraction and embark on a transformative journey with our special guest, Giovanna Silvestre. This episode is your guide to understanding how the patterns we see in our relationships mirror unresolved traumas and past desires. Giovanna, a masterful storyteller and wellness influencer, sheds light on how recognizing these patterns can lead to profound personal growth. With insights from her upcoming book, "Confused Girl: Find Your Peace in the Chaos," she reveals how healing these patterns can transform who we are attracted to and help our true selves shine. We explore the delicate balance required between healing and vulnerability, acknowledging the complexities that come with confronting old wounds.

Join us as we discuss the significance of self-awareness in relationships and the power of setting clear standards. Discover how to become an investigator of your own life, shifting from a victim mindset to cultivating enriching connections. Giovanna emphasizes the importance of embracing imperfections on the path to growth and the art of finding peace amidst chaos. Tune in to connect with resources like the "Healthy Mind and Healthy Life" platform, and take this opportunity to pre-order Giovanna's book. This conversation promises to inspire and empower you to seek balance and understanding in your own journey.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Exploring Psychology of Attraction and Healing
• 16:17 Navigating Relationships Through Standards
• 21:37 Embracing Imperfect Paths to Growth

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Sensuality is an enriching experience that transcends mere physical touch. It invites us to explore openness and vulnerability, creating deeper connections with others. By engaging in mindful touch, we enhance our awareness of each other's desires and boundaries. This practice cultivates intimacy, as it encourages honest communication and emotional safety. Each caress becomes a dialogue between bodies, transcending words and allowing us to connect on a profound level. Embracing the art of sensuality fosters trust, reigniting passion and curiosity in relationships. It's a journey of discovery, inviting us to celebrate the beauty of human connection through the transformative power of touch.

Speaker 2: 0:59

Hey everyone, welcome to Pleasure Principles. I'm your host, avik, and today's episode promises to be a fascinating dive into psychology of attraction and how. It's more than just a chemistry. It's a mirror into our past, our patterns and even our deepest wounds. So joining me is the incredible Giovanna Silvestre. Welcome to the show, giovanna.

Speaker 3: 1:28

Thank you for having me. I'm really excited about this topic this is a good one.

Speaker 2: 1:34

Great, yes, yes, it is a great topic. But before we delve deep into this topic, I'll quickly love to introduce you to all of our listeners. Dear listeners, giovanna is a powerhouse storyteller, hollywood insider and wellness influencer who's here to reveal how who we are drawn to can eliminate parts of ourselves that are longing for healing. So her upcoming book, confused girl find your peace in the chaos is all about uh, untangling identity and, uh, the self-worth, and today we are bringing that energy right into the heart of our relationships. Yes, so let's see how understanding our attractions can be a powerful step towards growth, love and maybe even a little chaos along the way. So why do we? Let's jump in. Welcome to the show again, giovanna.

Speaker 3: 2:34

Thank you for having me.

Speaker 2: 2:37

Great, great. So, giovanna, to start with, what inspired you to explore the link between attraction and our childhood experiences?

Speaker 3: 2:48

Lots of bad relationship experiences, I think, you know, and just kind of being within my relationships, the same kind of patterns, my relationships the same kind of patterns, and you find yourself kind of in this groundhog day where you're like I'm literally picking the same kind of people and this always, you know, has the same kind of painful feelings and I can't seem to break out of it, of it, which is incredibly painful and confusing and difficult, and actually so you know in my book that you can pre-order now, Confused Girl, Find your Peace in the Chaos. Originally I didn't have a chapter on relationships, but then I added one because I was like this is so important for people to understand their attraction, their patterns and to be able to choose something different.

Speaker 2: 3:55

So, um, I actually added a chapter called decoding relationships wow, that's, that's great, lovely, and and um, also, when we're talking about this. So do you think that everyone we are drawn um can reveal something about our past or the trauma?

Speaker 3: 4:16

absolutely, absolutely, and I don't, I don't. I think, yes, it can reveal something about your pain and your trauma, but I think it also can reveal, um, like something that you desire and want as well. Um, I think it can show us lots of different things. I think, in the beginning of starting relationships, if you haven't dealt with your, your own trauma and your past pain and you know understanding your family dynamics, you are going to attract the same thing. You know, like if somebody in your household was abusive verbally or physically, you're most likely going to attract a partner that is abusive.

Speaker 3: 5:04

Um, if you hadn't, if you hadn't, uh, worked through that yet, I mean, you know it's, it's, and I mean not everybody has that experience in a family, like, uh, like some people do have like, like you know, genuinely aware parents, um, but no human is perfect. But there are people that came from families where you know their parents were happy people and aware and there wasn't like narcissism in the family, and then you see those people kind of go off and meet somebody and have like a really good relationship and it just seems easy Like they like to do the same things and there's not, like you know, jealousy and competition and power dynamics. It just seems pretty nice for them, right? And you know, I think those are few and far between, but I've definitely seen those kinds of relationships and I definitely am envious of those. So that's why. That's why I was like, ok, I have to work through my own stuff before I'm going to be able to have one of those relationships.

Speaker 2: 6:17

Yeah, yeah, Understood. So so, OK, so okay. And also like do you believe that?

Speaker 3: 6:32

healing these patterns can actually change who we are attracted to. So healing these patterns can change who we are. Yeah, yeah, I mean. Yes, yes, I do. I mean I think you're born with a soul, right, and I don't think that changes, but I think the kind of like the darkness or the hardness that you've built up around your soul can start to be cleaned off so that your soul shines through. You know, um, I almost think it's kind of like it's like removing all the things that are that are blocking you. It's kind of like you are already like your being, so it's just removing the crud.

Speaker 2: 7:23

Got it Understood, yeah, yeah, Great. And also, like I mean some listeners might wonder, like if exploring old wounds in the relationship is risky, then how can they find balance between healing and the vulnerability?

Speaker 3: 7:43

Okay, say that again. I'm sorry, I'm on my second cup of coffee, slow sworning. Okay, say that again okay sounds.

Speaker 2: 7:53

I'm saying like. I mean there can be listeners who might wonder that if you're saying that old wounds in relationships are risky, then how to balance between healing and the vulnerability.

Speaker 3: 8:10

You know what? That's really hard because it's kind of like the dark night of the soul and you just have to go through it and there's like no way out but through. So unfortunately, you kind of do have to feel. You know that pain and like I remember the first time I fell in love. So before that I'd liked guys and I'd been in relationships and stuff, but I never was in love, you know, and I, and always I was the one that broke up with them and then I I fell in love and he broke up with me and him and I had a real soul connection. I feel like we share, like we're part of the same soul family and we share a little bit of each other's soul.

Speaker 3: 9:01

Like it was crazy Cause I could, even even after we broke up, there'd be moments where, like there was this one moment that one day I felt it was like six months after we broke up, we hadn't spoken or anything and I had this overwhelming sadness about, kind of his roommates and his house and I'm like why am I having? And like I could even smell the smells of inside his house and and I and I'm like I don't really I didn't know his roommates that much. So I'm not, I'm, I don't care if I never see them again, and and I don't care about not seeing his house again. But I had this overwhelming sadness and it was so strange and I was like that's really weird. And then later on that night I got an email from him saying that he was moving to New York and I was like oh my God, I was feeling his sadness.

Speaker 3: 9:55

It was really crazy. So, anyway, that breakup really broke my heart and I mean it broke me. I was like I mean I think I lost like 15 pounds. I wasn't eating, I was I started like smoking cigarettes and I actually didn't drink alcohol because I was like it's just going to make me feel worse, but I was like I had this fight or flight kind of anxiety.

Speaker 3: 10:21

But actually it was that breakup that made me go really deep into meditation and I started finding places all over LA where I could go and meditate.

Speaker 3: 10:34

And I mean it would be like random places I would go to, you know, like recovering, like alcoholics and drug addicts group. I would go to like a Hari Krishna temple I was just going anywhere every day where I could find a meditation group and I would just be crying and like meditating and I'm just like there's no, this is like the first time my heart's really been broken, like I just I have to go through this and um it it honestly that he the best thing that he could have done at that time was break up with me because I wouldn't have done the inner work that I needed to do and I also him breaking up with me made me feel like I was a bad person. I felt like I really must be horrible if he's going to break up with me, and so it made me really look at the self-hate I had inside and really kind of start to work through that self-hate and honestly, honestly, I wouldn't be the person that I am, who genuinely loves myself, if it wasn't for that relationship. So, yeah, perfect, perfect.

Speaker 2: 11:59

So I mean, um, is there a point where self-reflection and the growth in relationships might actually make us hyper-focused on fixing ourselves?

Speaker 3: 12:20

So the question is would a breakup, breakup make you hyper focused on fixing yourself? Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah, that's that's what happened to me. I mean I hope people go in that direction. I don't think it's wise to just hop into another relationship. I don't see people that do that, um, getting anything better and bettering themselves. You know, I think that's a that's a codependency issue, um, and I just was never able to do that when I broke up with somebody. It was pretty devastating. So I would just kind of stay on my own and I would try to, you know, learn what I could from that experience and that situation. I just don't think it's wise to relationship hop. I don't.

Speaker 3: 13:14

I honestly, men have done that to me. Like I had one boyfriend, you know, um, he was doing some things I didn't like, so I broke up with him and then bam, like he already had a girlfriend the next day that he moved in with and I mean that says a lot more about him than me. It kind of says just to me that I was naive and I need to pay attention and be careful of those kinds of people. Because he moved in with me and, you know, kind of taking advantage of me, but at the time I didn't realize it because I thought, oh, I love him, he loves me. But now, in hindsight, like I realized I was being taken advantage of and then, you know, he probably thought she might break up with me soon. So I'm gonna, I'm going to start going out with this other girl, so I have this other girl lined up for when this is over and I just think that's really like a pathetic way to do life.

Speaker 3: 14:05

It's using people, it's not deal, it's running away from your own stuff and it never gets better. Like your life doesn't get better like that. The only way for your life to get better is to self reflect on what's happened to you and your part in things and the experience and then grow from that, you know. So I really recommend people. If they've been doing the relationship hopping thing, that's fine, you know, like we're all on our own journey. But if they're listening to this, I would just hope that they take away. You know, just kind of ease up a little bit, take some time to yourself, because that's its own addiction so, uh like, what role does self-compassion play in navigating these deep realizations about our attractions and the relationships what role does self-compassion play?

Speaker 3: 15:02

Well, I think you know, when you are in a pattern and you know we all have blind spots within our personalities and we kind of don't understand why we're doing the things we're doing and we don't understand why we keep getting the same result. And so that's where the self-reflection comes in and the self-compassion, because once you're like okay, this is like the hundredth time that I've done this and now I need to kind of self-reflect and take a look at why I'm doing this. Because it's like you can blame somebody else once, twice, third time, but if you keep picking the same type of person, that's on you.

Speaker 2: 15:48

You know what I mean.

Speaker 3: 15:49

At some point you've got to take a look at yourself, and that's hard. And then that goes into you beating up on yourself and hating yourself, and I think you know definitely that's not the way to go. The way to go is just take a really kind of rational objective look, seek help, maybe seek a therapist or a relationship coach. Look, seek help, maybe seek a therapist or a relationship coach. You know there's so many books out now like what's that one? The? It's. I forget what it's called, but it's something about attachment and it and it goes through different types of attachment styles. And so you know, do your become your own investigator, don't hate on yourself, investigate. The thing is we're not born with a manual on our personalities and our character and life and how we're supposed to do it. You're kind of put into this world and it's like, okay, go for it. It's very confusing, it's very confusing, it's very confusing and oh sorry, go ahead.

Speaker 2: 16:58

No no, no, I'm saying, yeah, definitely I agree.

Speaker 3: 17:09

So, and and it's not easy to get really honest with yourself and admit to yourself that you're the one creating these things in your life, and not and and you know it's time to stop blaming somebody else because you're picking these people. So I think it's much better just to become an investigator about your personality and patterns in life than it is to make yourself a victim true, exactly also.

Speaker 2: 17:30

So, uh, for the listeners on the journey of healing, what's your advice for finding peace with the messiness of it all?

Speaker 3: 17:43

Oh my God. I mean, I wrote a whole book on that. I wrote a whole book on that. So I'm not going to. I won't't be able to sum that up in, like you know, a quick thing.

Speaker 3: 17:56

But since we're talking about relationship and relationship patterns and one thing I'll talk about peace, like a tactic you can use to find peace within your like dating and relationships, within your like dating and relationships. So the one thing I talk about, um in in a decoding relationships, the chapter I wrote, is expectations versus standards. So, um, and the thing is, once you understand, once you, once you can like let go of having expectations of someone but you can have a standard that you abide by and require, then you have peace Because you're like with expectations. If someone doesn't meet your expectations, you're constantly disappointed, disappointed. But if you have a relationship standard and you're like, I mean, let's just give it something easy. Like they don't, like they must love dogs, right, like you have a lot of dogs, you're not going to give up your dogs, you love your dogs.

Speaker 3: 19:05

And then, instead of going out with somebody and just hoping that they're going to like your dogs and then being disappointed when they don't, you already set up your maybe dating profile or you tell somebody right away hey, listen, I have three dogs, I love dogs. Like, what do you think about dogs? Do you like dogs? Or just ask them like, do you love dogs? Is that your. You know, are you a dog person? And if they say no, then it's just like okay, well, I do, so this isn't going to work out. You see what I'm saying? So once you set that standard, it's like a non-negotiable. So you don't even have to deal with the disappointment when they don't love dogs, because you're already setting it up Like this is what I need in my life and so, and so you take away that, that expectation and that disappointment and you, you base your relationships on your standards, like I want somebody that prioritizes me, right? So if, if your priority is always going to be work, then we shouldn't even we shouldn't even um start a relationship. We shouldn't even go there.

Speaker 3: 20:13

Once I see that I'm never going to be a priority for you, or a priority for me is communication and being emotionally available. Now, once I see a man is emotionally available, I don't just get all disappointed because I'm expecting emotional someone that's not emotionally available to be emotionally available. I mean, if you're expecting that, that's a great way to constantly be disappointed and be in a constant state of pain. Trust me, I know, I've been there. So you just got to go. Oh, you're not emotionally available. Okay, moving on. You know, and you just have to really have a set of standards that you stick by so you don't get yourself into. So, actually the peace, so you have peace in your life because you're like this is what I desire and this is what I will allow in my life, and this is what I will allow in my life and I won't allow these other things.

Speaker 2: 21:14

True, true, lovely, lovely, so great. Giovanna, thank you so much for sharing your insights on how attraction can serve as a roadmap to the healing. So, and this has been a journey of reflection, curiosity and the self-love I would say it's a true mix of heart and the soul, uh, just like your book. So to everyone who is tuning in, always remember that finding the peace in the chaos isn't just always about um the perfection. Sometime it's about embracing the imperfect path that leads to the growth. So keep leaning into what you discover about yourself and do not forget to subscribe to Healthy Mind and Healthy Life. And do reach out to Giovanna and check out her book so you can pre-order. As she has already mentioned, I'll put all the links into the show notes so that it will be much easier for you to reach out to her. And great, so I'll. I'll catch you soon next time on pleasure principles, so till then, thank you so much thank you so much, bye.