Reclaiming Power and Purpose After Traumatic Relationships - Nicolette Nierras

Have you ever wondered how to rediscover yourself after a traumatic relationship? This episode promises to guide you on a transformative journey of self-discovery and healing, featuring the inspiring story of Nicolette Nierras. After her life was turned upside down by a divorce in 2019, Nicolette Nierras left the corporate grind to become a transformational coach, dedicating herself to helping others find healing and fulfillment. Listen as she shares the pivotal moments that redefined her path, including a life-changing tarot reading that nudged her toward embracing her inner child and prioritizing genuine joy over external validation.

Join us as we unravel the challenges and triumphs of redefining intimacy and embracing personal growth with Nicolette's heartfelt insights. Together, we explore the idea that true pleasure and fulfillment originate from within, encouraging you to reflect on your own journey of self-discovery. Our conversation is a beacon of hope for those seeking transformation, urging you to evaluate what no longer serves you and to build authentic connections with yourself and your desires. Let Nicolette's journey inspire you to reclaim your power, purpose, and passion while we remind you to follow us for more episodes filled with light, love, and life-changing stories.

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Chapters

• 0:06 Finding Yourself After Traumatic Relationships
• 19:09 Self-Discovery and Healing Journeys

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:06

Hey, amazing listeners, it's your host. Awake and welcome to Pleasure Principles. Here we take you to another journey, into the heart of self-discovery, healing and the growth. So today we are diving deep into a topic that so many of us wrestle with. It's finding yourself after the storm of traumatic relationship and redefining what intimacy really means. So joining me is the extraordinary Nicolette Neres. So welcome to the show, nicolette.

Speaker 2: 0:40

Wow, what a great introduction, Abhi. Thank you so much for having me again.

Speaker 1: 0:44

Thank you. Thank you so much for joining, so I'd love to introduce you to all of our listeners before we start our conversation. So, dear listeners, nicolette is an RTT therapist, transformational coach and all-around powerhouse of healing the vibes, of healing the vibes. So Colette is also known as Nick. So Nick has dedicated her life to helping people break free from limiting beliefs and heal the emotional wounds and rediscover their world. So her story of going from corporate success to transformational healing is as inspiring as it gets. So if you have ever felt lost, disconnected or unsure about intimacy, then, whether it's with yourself or others, this episode is for you. So get comfy, grab your favorite drink and let's explore how to reclaim your power, purpose and the passion. So welcome to the show again, nick.

Speaker 2: 1:43

Oh, thank you. Thank you again, avik, so excited to be here.

Speaker 1: 1:47

Thank you, thank you so much. So, nick, to start with, I mean definitely I'd love to know what was the turning point that made you leave the corporate world to focus on the transformational coaching ah, the very question that started everything after corporate.

Speaker 2: 2:08

So the turning point was me ending a stint of two year, a marriage of two years. That was in 2019, so I got in 2017 and I got divorced in 2019. So that was the whole turning point of me putting myself down and thinking, okay, I am not lovable. At the time, I thought I was not lovable because of the relationship the failed, so-called failed relationship because later on I realized it's actually not a failure because you are meant to be, you're exactly where you're meant to be. So that was my turning point.

Speaker 1: 2:57

The divorce, yes understood, understood and and also like um, understood, understood and also like. So, after ending a traumatic relationship, where do we even begin to rediscover ourselves? So what do you say?

Speaker 2: 3:28

of mine, oh, okay. And at the time she was like nick, I think I better bring you to a friend who reads tarot, tarot cards, okay. And I was like at that point, because it was so traumatic to the point where I was lost, I lost my sense of self. Any help that I could get out there, sign me up. So I invited that friend to come over and we all had this gathering and he started pulling cards and I started asking him questions about so who am I going to meet? Who is my next partner? How am I going to find love again? And then so he was pulling cards for me. Okay, mind you.

Speaker 2: 4:11

But then one sentence he said to me that struck that. That struck like it's like a lightning bolt or flip the switch was Nick, whatever it is, wherever you're going to go after this or whichever, or whatever, whoever partner they even end up with, you need to love yourself first. And he repeated this four times to me you need to love yourself first. And I was like, okay, love myself. I love was like okay, love myself, I love myself. You know, I take myself out on dates, even though it was depressing, because I used to do that with a partner. Now I take myself to the movies and restaurants, try new food, dessert cafes, etc. Etc. But he said this love yourself first. So when he said love yourself, I said what, what? What do you mean by that?

Speaker 2: 5:14

As I disintegrate myself, like turning all of the cameras outwards and searching for what satisfied or trying to fill that void that I felt after losing that relationship, I had to force myself to look within, and I don't want to say force, because force is resisting. Right, you're resisting. Let's just say the universe had its way with me by putting COVID right in front of me. I know COVID was a big thing for everybody, right, but for me, transformationally, it was the year of evaluating what no longer serves me, of evaluating what no longer serves me is something that I need to leave behind, and that includes looking outward. So starting to love myself means who am I without that partner? Who is Nicolette when I am by myself? Do I like Nicolette? Or am I hearing Nicolette saying to herself oh, you don't have your partner, that's why you're not good enough, you're not pretty enough. And that was the pivotal point and the start of my journey, and I had no choice. I could tell you.

Speaker 1: 6:49

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 6:50

Loving yourself means understanding and loving understanding your inner child. So what does your inner child want? Inner child wants attention. Inner child wants that love child want attention in a child, wants that love, that lean. Why do you want to go to the movies and why do you have to wait for other people to bring you to the movies? I had that notion that other people need to do it. For me it's that I could do it. So when I was forcing it I could do it. I did it because I wanted to prove to people that, oh, nicolette is okay by herself. She doesn't need that that person. But afterwards I believe, or I rather found, that I want to do it because the little nicolette wants to do it, not because I have to do it and I want it to prove to people. No, it's about listening to what your heart is actually pulling you towards.

Speaker 2: 7:52

And then understanding why do I think when I say I means the inner child. Why do I think this way? Why is it that I long to go to a cafe? Why is it that I long to take myself out on dates? It's because I want to be loved. And who else is best to do that? Avik, you can't ask your parents to do that for you, especially with mine. There's hundreds of miles away from where I was at the time. Now I'm right back to my home, my parents home. And do I, can I rely on my friends 24 7? Yes, they can be with me one time, two times, or they can be maybe seven out of seven days. In a week they can be with me five days, but how long can they provide that for me? Because they have their own lives to look after. They have their own circumstances that they have to settle and then issues right. So I started that with understanding. What does little Nicolette want, what does she need?

Speaker 1: 9:04

and I started listening to those needs with intention, with love and with grace exactly, yeah, and in this sense, like from the listeners perspective, I'm saying like many listeners feel stuck after the breakup. So, uh, how do you help people move forward when they feel like hopeless?

Speaker 2: 9:29

yeah, um, hopelessness is despair. In other words, right. It means you're hopeless, nobody. It's like you're alone in the world and nobody understands what you're feeling and how I help them. Number one I have to first empathize. I can only help them as much as they're willing to help themselves. So with that, when I come in contact with anybody who's With that, when I come in contact with anybody who's asking for my help or just an advice, or just today I had a friend who came up to me and said Nick, I don't need your advice as a therapist, I need you as a friend. Now, that's an ad. I click that switch. Don't look at me as a therapist.

Speaker 1: 10:26

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 10:27

Look at me as your friend, as the friend that you can count on, that you can trust, that we can exchange, pour your heart onto me, like how I will pour myself up back onto you. But, number one, yeah, so how I help, I don't see them as my client. Yes, of course I need to set up the confidentiality goals, the agreement, those are formalities, right, but when people come to me, they're trusting me, that, whatever that they're saying to me, number one, I'm going to keep it a secret that I respect that. And, number two, empathize with them, because most oftentimes, people just want to be understood and heard and seen. Yeah. So, yeah, that's a straightforward answer to the question. And, of course, after that, us meeting at soul level.

Speaker 2: 11:37

Now I understand what you require, or understand what you need. So I use my intuition, because everybody has intuition. Now this is to be harnessed. Yeah, and harnessing it requires you to be in solitude and listening to yourself. So I use my intuition and and give you that feedback of what you really need at that moment, and then you, as you start opening up yourself to me, then we can take that next step. So I come in as a guide, because I'm here to help you on your journey Because, at the end of the day, everybody's on their path. So, for example, a friend coming to me and sharing their issues and the problems, we'll walk together, we'll explore, report up, okay, and then we'll take the steps one, two, three. How do you want to solve it?

Speaker 1: 12:42

exactly, yeah, perfect, perfect. And uh also, like um, do you believe that healing yourself should come before seeking the intimacy with others?

Speaker 2: 13:00

Yes, One million percent. Yes, If I could show my toes right now. Yes, Because if you're not pouring yourself, if you're, imagine you're the cup right. If you are empty, how are you going to pour your cup to others?

Speaker 1: 13:24

Right.

Speaker 2: 13:26

And that's what happened to a lot of people experiencing burnout because they keep on pouring to other people's burnout, because they keep on pouring to other people's cup and they forgot about their own cup, and that's metaphorically. So. That's the analogy. But truly, if I don't take care of myself, how am I going to take care of the people that rely upon me my parents? At the time I was working, I had to show up at work as a colleague, and now I have to show up for my clients as a therapist the person that they entrusted their problems with and the betterment of their mental health with. So I have to. Now I can go on. Maybe your next question is why are the steps right? I could foresee that.

Speaker 1: 14:26

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 14:27

Yeah, how do you do that? Like for me, I have to really take good care of myself, and that means what's the biggest currency, what's the main currency in the world? It's energy, and money is energy too, but it's your energy. If you know how to preserve your energy, even if you're in chaos, in the midst of a chaos, if you could instill that, really go back to that divine being that you are and be at that peace, joy and bliss state, I could tell you Avik, whatever it is that you're going to go through, it could be as devastating as the news, yes, but as a human being, if you can be at that space, I can assure you, whatever you're going to face, you better, have a clearer mind and you have a better intention, and your heart would be aligned with whatever action or decision that you're going to take afterwards to solve the issue or the situation.

Speaker 1: 15:46

Understood. Yeah, great, great. Thank you so much for sharing this. Yeah, great, great. Thank you so much for sharing this and also, like any, any advice you would like to share with the listeners.

Speaker 2: 16:01

That will definitely be a game changing for them. Okay, as when you wake up, what is the first thing you do? You breathe. I know it sounds as cliche right now as I'm speaking I, too, was in that position before but breathing is the most important thing. If you cannot do anything, if you cannot even remember the affirmations that I'm about to say, or the affirmations that you find on the internet, or that you believe that you say to yourself, if there's anything that you can't do, just do this. Breathe three times. Okay, especially even if you're going up.

Speaker 2: 16:59

What I? If I'm in a state of anxiety I'm about to speak to you just take this as an example. Or if I'm going up on a stage right, I'm about to speak to thousands of people, the noise can come and it can crush me. Those are just the noise outside of you. If you have this protective shield around you that says I don't allow this to come in your words and your intention that you put out to the universe, it's already a spell. You make it real, because whatever you say happens, it gets registered in the universe and it happens. All the molecules around you, the air that you don't see with your naked eye, they all start forming a shield because you place your intention. I don't want and I will not allow this noise around me to affect me. Now I'm anxious, oh my god. For example, I'm about to speak. I'm about to give a speech, inaugural speech, to thousands of people.

Speaker 2: 18:13

What do I do? Nicolette, you've got this. You prepared for this, you prayed for this moment. That's also one thing. You got to be grateful. You are there because what you created, your reality, you were there because you asked for this. So, first, be grateful. And therefore, why did you get this? Because you prayed for it and you're worthy of that opportunity. Like right now, you want to come and see me. You asked me to be on the show and I'm very grateful, very grateful. I prayed for this moment right. So now I'm about to talk to Avik and you're sharing your platform. Thousands of your audience are listening to this right now and you're sharing your platform. Thousands of your audience are listening to this right now when this episode airs. What do I do? I'm grateful that I have this opportunity, in the state of gratitude, and I take three deep breaths.

Speaker 1: 19:04

Lovely. That's really great, yeah, great. Thank you so much for sharing this and I would say, wow, what an inspiring conversation, nick. So I mean, dear listeners, like whether you are on the path to healing, redefining intimacy, or just trying to rediscover who you are, then Nick's insights are definitely a beacon of hope and the transformation, and always remember that pleasure and fulfillment begin with you. So if today's episode has resonated with you, share it with someone who might need a little light and love in their life, and do not forget to follow us on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss an episode. So until next time, this is your host Avik, reminding you to embrace your worth, heal deeply and live passionately. So stay amazing and see you next week on Pleasure Principles. Thank you so much.