Empowering Authenticity and Success Through Self-Discovery and Genuine Communication - Karissa Dean

Ever felt trapped by societal expectations and craved the freedom to live authentically? Karissa Dean, an inspiring business mentor and certified coach, opens up about her transformative journey from being a burned-out mom to an empowered entrepreneur. She shares her story of self-discovery, highlighting how embracing her true self without apology led to profound personal and professional success. Her insights illuminate the path to living genuinely, inspiring listeners to question their own lives and align with their true identities for a more fulfilling existence.

Join us as we explore the power of authenticity in relationships and business, guided by Karissa Dean's invaluable expertise. Discover how genuine communication and vulnerability can strengthen a marriage, turning it into a powerful partnership. In the professional realm, Karissa discusses the importance of staying true to oneself, even in industries where conformity prevails. Her stories encourage us to shed the fear of judgment, build self-belief, and lead with integrity, paving the way for a life that's truly aligned with our values. Tune in and embark on your own journey toward authenticity and empowerment.

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Chapters

• 0:06 The Power of Living Authentically
• 12:34 Building Authenticity in Relationships and Business

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:06

Hey everyone, welcome to Pleasure Principles, where we dive deep into what makes life feel good, from the wild, the intimate and to the beautifully messy. So I'm your host, avik, and today we are tackling one of the life's most transformative and liberating topics living authentically. So why does it matter so much to be real, to show up fully as ourselves and also to stop apologizing for it? Because, let's be honest, authenticity is the secret sauce to feeling alive. Yes, and who better to join, I mean, who better to guide us, uh, than the incredible carissa dean. So welcome to the showcase, carissa thank you for having me lovely, lovely.

Speaker 1: 1:07

So, carissa, like before we start our conversation, I'd quickly love to introduce you to all of our listeners. Uh, dear listeners, carissa is the business mentor, icf certified coach and unapologetically real human being. So she is the kind of truth teller we all need in our corner, and she's not just about I mean out here to giving the cookie or cookie cutter advice. So she's building the business, raising a family, managing vacation rentals and even running a dump truck company. So, yes, you heard that right, a dump truck company.

Speaker 1: 1:53

So her journey of moving from burnout mom to an empowered entrepreneur is really, really inspiring, relatable and a little spicy, I would say. So we are here to unpack her story and also dive into why living authentically isn't just a kind of trend, but it's the key to everything. So wait a bit, let's get started. Welcome to the show again. Thank you, I appreciate it so much. Yeah, lovely. So. So, carissa, like uh, I, I know, like uh, you don't sugarcoat anything, so let's jump right in. So why do you think authenticity is such a game changer, not just a in business, but also in life?

Speaker 2: 2:49

Yeah. So when we decide to step fully into our identity, which ultimately is our purpose and our higher calling, why we're here to live and what we're here to bring forth in the world here to live and what we're here to bring forth in the world there's actually a deep-rooted alignment. And when we step into that role unapologetically, we allow ourselves to really shine in the best way possible, because we've removed layers of discomfort and discord within the body. And so living authentically is really saying this is what inspires me, motivates me, this is what I'm here to do and be in this world. And when we live from that place, we inspire others to find their authentic pathway.

Speaker 2: 3:48

And I think it gives us the unique ability, as humans, to create more of what is necessary in the world, because it releases a lot of barriers and judgments around who we think we should be or what we think we should be doing, and it gives you the ability to just be who you are. And when you are who you are, that's kind of when you're in flow with life. And so living authentically, being your best self, is giving you permission to be who you are, and it's ultimately answering that question of who am I, which I think is one of the most powerful questions we can answer and it can evolve and shift. You know, obviously, when I was younger I wasn't a wife and a mother, so these questions get to evolve. You know, and I think it's one of the most peaceful ways of living is finding out who am I and then living a life unapologetically based on the answer to that question.

Speaker 1: 5:15

Definitely definitely.

Speaker 2: 5:17

And also, like, when you think about people holding back or kind of faking it, what do you think they are most afraid of? I think they're afraid of being honest with themselves. You know, I think when I grew up, I grew up in a very traditional United States family and I was doing a lot of the things that we're supposed to be doing. Right, you should do this, there's an order that you should do, and I think when we give ourselves permission to break that cycle, we step into a confidence within ourselves. And so what I think is, if you're not living authentically, you are lacking deep confidence in being who you are. And so I think, when you're living confidently and you are a better advocate for what you need, um, which makes you a better advocate for the people around you, um, and it kind of just full root understood, understood, yeah, yeah and uh.

Speaker 1: 6:20

Also, like, if I have to say on this that, uh, you lived. I mean you have lived through burnout, overwhelm, reinvention, so what do you think? What was the moment when you realized that something has to change? So was there a specific catalyst, like if you can shake?

Speaker 2: 6:47

yeah. So my catalyst, I think, is similar to a lot of um people who have children, and when your children are younger, they really need you. They need you very intimately, um, and when they enter school, um, they need less of you. And so for that period of transition where my daughter went from, I was her main caregiver during the day when that and I turned into you know, I haven't I felt like I lacked purpose, right, and so I kind of had this like this moment where I was like, okay, what am I doing? What am I doing? Who am I Right?

Speaker 2: 7:35

I'm coming back to this question of who am I, and I was really unhappy in my life and I was projecting my unhappiness onto my husband, even on to daughter, into my friends and my family and definitely into my work. I was just becoming by the age of 12. And what happened was, is I started to question everything and I really got curious about, okay, really, who am I Like? What am I here to do in this lifetime? And so it's it's in those moments of feeling really not good that that give you the opportunity to realign, and I think, you know, at that period it was like I was doing all the right things, right. I went to school, I got my degree, I got married and then I had children and you know, like I had a career, like I was checking all these boxes of what my world had been telling me this is what you should do, this is what you're supposed to do, but none of it felt right because I wasn't looking inside and asking myself what do I want to do? How do I want to live? You know, who am I without the external noise? So I think, when you are feeling depressed, anxious, overwhelmed, you're feeling burnout, you're feeling exhausted. If you're having any physical like you know, like maybe you're battling some, you know severe illnesses, maybe you're battling some, you know severe illnesses.

Speaker 2: 9:08

I think those are guideposts for us as individuals to get curious about. Why do they exist? You know, why does my depression exist? Why does my anxiety exist? And for me, the answer was because I wasn't doing the thing that I was put here on earth to do. Right, I'm here for a reason. We're all, we're all very beautifully intertwined in this web of life, but we, we have roles to play and until we allow ourselves to settle in those roles, that, I think, is when we're feeling uncomfortable and frustrated with life.

Speaker 2: 9:48

And so, for me, what was? I started to get really depressed and anxious and really didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't like myself, I didn't like my life and I was blaming everyone around me. It was everyone else's fault. What do I want to do? How do I want to do? How do I want to do it? And I started to give myself little bits of permission to change and be a new version of myself, and I think that that's the hardest thing you will ever do. But if we can all accept ourselves and understand that change is the only positive in the world, um, and then we give ourselves permission to change, and when, when I do that, I'm a, I'm a reflection for you to then also be able to do that I, I'm the, the, the little boost of if she did it. So can I?

Speaker 1: 10:46

yeah, exactly, and let's flip the coin. And what's the cost of not living authentically? How does it impact someone's work relationship or even the health?

Speaker 2: 11:00

I think that if you don't live authentically, you will.

Speaker 2: 11:04

You will die a very slow death and whether that is because you're mentally unwell or physically unwell, I think that you lose yourself a bit every day and over time you know that is where we really are finding a lot of disease. And again, whether that's the mental you know mental disease or physical, you know't get curious about why it's showing up and you just try to put a Band-Aid over it. Your time clock starts ticking differently. It's a guidepost. Again, it's a flag, right. It's trying to say hey, something's not right. You know, let's not put a band-aid on this. Let's like go in and try and see what, what we can rediscover. You know what's, what's not working. So I think that you know if you don't live authentically, you're going to be pretty unhappy because you're mentally not going to be well or you're physically not going to be well, and it might be immediate or it might be prolonged later in life. But I think you're missing out on why we're here. I think you miss out on the beauty of every day.

Speaker 1: 12:34

Understood, okay, and you have spoken about transforming your relationship with your husband while also, uh, staying true to yourself. So how did living authentically impact your marriage?

Speaker 2: 12:52

great question. Um, it was a challenge because, um, it meant that my husband had to give me permission to be myself and, as he gave me permission to discover who that version was, it opened a door for us to explore new hobbies together, new ways of communicating, new ways of supporting each other. Our roles in the household started to shift a little bit and it actually created a really beautiful partnership where we are more vulnerable with each other because we're able to be more honest about our needs, right? So I was able to communicate from a place of love versus communicate from a place of frustration and anger, and it takes a while to find that confidence, but I think it saved our marriage ultimately, because it allowed both of us to show up to the conversation differently and learn to respect each other differently, as well as be vulnerable and be honest.

Speaker 2: 14:08

If you're not being honest with yourself, I don't know how you can be honest with other people around you.

Speaker 2: 14:14

I think you know there's a lot of people in the world who, because they lack integrity, they're not living authentically and they don't even know who they are, and they're just different. You know, I call them chameleons of life, because they're different versions depending on who they're around, and I think that that's a really miserable way to live and it does create a lot of unsatisfaction in wanting to experience life because you don't know who you are. You're just, you're putting on different disguises. And so, for me, it saved my marriage and it gave me a really powerful connection with my husband and it gave us permission. You know, it gave him permission to be more of who he is and it just breaks down barriers between partners. You know where you can really learn what it means to be a partner and learn what it means to support your partner, and doing that in a way where you're not doing it because you feel like you have to, but because you genuinely desire showing up for the other person.

Speaker 1: 15:26

Perfect, perfect. And also in the business world there's so much pressure to confirm and play the game. So how do you stay authentic as a business owner, especially in the spaces that feel a kind of little fake?

Speaker 2: 15:49

I love this question and I love it because, you know, a lot of the times I feel like the coaching industry, which is an industry I love so much it saved my life can have a lot of fake people in it, and I think that it's okay. I think the way that you choose to react to the world matters the most. So, you know, if I just take the business example of I'm showing up in the coaching space, I am who I am. You know, if you meet me on the street, it's not going to be much different than what you would see if you're watching me on Instagram or listening to my podcast or anything, and so I think that that that's a trigger for people who haven't taken the time to get to know themselves and who are looking at. Okay, this is how my industry is showing up, so I need to do it that way as well. That's why, you know, in my bio it says not cookie cutter. We're not doing this cookie cutter because the way that you need to run your business is unique to you, because of your human design, because of your gene keys, because of your purpose here, and I think that it's it's a muscle, like yoga, you have to come show up to it. It's a practice. It's not perfect, and it's and it's business is about understanding.

Speaker 2: 17:20

Okay, yes, we do live in this society and there's a game that you have to play to participate, you know, and to um to be an entrepreneur. We, we do have to play within the system, right, but there are ways of showing up that allow you to be authentic, and if we gave ourselves permission, we give more permission to other people, and you can see this, you know, if you read about really successful entrepreneurs, if you read about really successful entrepreneurs, you'll see that a lot of them do it differently, but the main thread, the commonality, is they always believed in themselves, and so I think it's confidence. When you're confident, you can do your business differently, because you're not worried about what other people are thinking. You're not worried about oh, what's this person going to say if I do it that way. And so it's about believing in yourself, and the more you are really resonant with this is who I am.

Speaker 2: 18:27

You don't have time to worry about what other people think, and so you get to show up to your business and do your business the way that makes sense to you and you don't give space for the judgment of others, and so, again, I think being authentic is the key to a happy, healthy, fulfilling life that feels really good. And the way that I choose to live is very unique and very different in comparison to other people, and it took me a long time to get there. I had to build my confidence in making the decisions I was making. So it's not easy, it's not for the faint of heart, but it is really really ultimately fulfilling.

Speaker 1: 19:09

Perfect, I understand. That's really the great point. Thank you for sharing this and, um, yeah, it's really like I mean nice connecting with you, karisa. This has been such an inspiring conversation and I have to say, like, you have shown us that living authentically isn't just a buzzword, it's a pathway to joy, freedom and the success on your own terms. So, yeah, yeah. So, for all the listeners I have, I have to say, like, take this as your sign to get curious about what's not working and start crafting a life that feels true to you, right? So, yeah, if you love this episode, do not forget to subscribe, share it with someone who needs to hear it and leave us a review, because it helps more people discover the podcast. That that's a very true, uh, true thing to say. Yes, and um, also remember that pleasure isn't just about a luxury, it's a principle. So until next time, keep showing up as your full and authentic self. So till then, thank you so much.